Some of me poems (sorry Pam Ayres!)

Becky’s jumper

I’m knitting you a jumper, don’t suppose you’ll like it much
(The yarns a little scratchy and a little rough to touch)
I’m spending all my time on it, all else has gone to pot
No cooking, cleaning, housework, (though I never did a lot)
It looks a little holey, where I dropped a stitch or two,
The pattern is so tricky I find it hard to do.
It’s in your favourite colour – at least I got that right
(Don’t worry if it’s baggy and the arms are slightly tight)
I know that you will love it, cos it was made by me
If you only wear it when you’re home, your friends won’t need to see!


Cos They Live Here No More

The presents are wrapped,
Cards stuck to the door,
But it don’t feel the same
Cos they live here no more

I'm laying the table,
Preparing the food
Going through the motions,
But not in the mood

Can choose what's on the telly
Where to sit, where to eat
You’d think that would feel good
But it’s not much of a treat

Not much washing
Less food to buy
They can’t see my sadness
Or hug me when I cry

But they’re coming home for Christmas!
Staying for twelve days
But in my heart they’ll be here
For ever and always

TMJ saga continued....

Okay, so I eventually get the hospital appointment at the Eastman at the TMJ clinic with Mr. Colin Hopper, an eminent maxillofacial surgeon. I am told that the most likely thing that has happened is that the disc in the jaw joint has been displaced and the solution is keyhole surgery, arthroscopy, to the jaw joint. I am told that under general anaesthetic they will look in each jaw joint, wash it out and mend any apparent damage to the disc and area. After much consideration I decide to undergo the procedure. This involves day surgery at the Victor Goldman suite at the Eastman Dental Hospital in London.
The procedure wasn't too bad, I had general anasthetic after all so what did I know! - the most unpleasant part was having to use a nasal spray as they would be incubating me via the nose rather than the throat due to the nature of the operation.

Anyway, to cut a very long story short, the operation showed that my joints were a right mess with lots of "sticky muck" in there! They were able to clean out the joints but were unable to see any problem with the disc which appeared to be in the correct position. Anyway, the final result was that they did all they could do but it didn't really make a lot of difference in the end - my mouth was unable to open any further than before.

So, I then had some further investigations - these being a CT scan and a 3D MRI scan showing the whole structure of the jaw.

The final conlcusion, after many months, was that a change had occured in the muscles that was irreversible and nothing much could be done.

I was told that there was nothing that could be done really. I was to go back regularly to the hospital to make sure that they limited opening wasn't getting anyworse and that there was no deteriation in my condition. If the opening were to start to reduce then the only thing they could do for me would be to give me a horrible operation, in the words of Mr. Hopper!, that wouldn't really be that successful anyway. They could detach the damaged muscle from the jaw, cut off the hardened, changed piece of muscle and reattach it to the jaw bone. I was told that the recovery would take a year and the finished result would be more than I had now!

So much to eat, so unable to eat:(

I am currently having a TMJ flare up. This means I do not have the ability or the desire to eat anything remotely hard or crunchy. TMJ should stand for Terribly Painful Jaw but actually stands for Temporo Mandibular Joint.

I have been unfortunately suffering from TMJ disorder for over 20 years and apart from the onset, which was very painful, I have remained for the main part pain free. But I do unfortunately have the occaisional painful flare up which usually lasts a few weeks (if lucky). Okay, long story below of my TMJ history for anyone who's interested - you have been warned: it's long, confusing, and probably just a tad boring.

Around 20 years ago I was dozing on the settee one evening, think I'd had a cold or something. As I sat up an enormous click came from my jaw joint, so loud that my OH heard it! It wasn't painful or anything, just very loud! Sometime after that I had a lot of aching around my mouth - my teeth would ache, my jaw would ache, my gums would ache, and it would move from one place to another willy nilly. Then from this my jaw began clicking a lot when opening and this was not a pleasant experience.
As time went on my jaw would then get stuck occasionally. I would be eating pizza for example and not able to open my mouth very far but then after a few minutes of chewing it would release.
Then after another period of time, my jaw would open so far and then snap shut, almost like it was held in place with rubber bands! All this was very worrying but as one usually does, I just waited to see what would happen. Eventually I went to the doctor who said take painkillers and to make sure that I kept opening and shutting my mouth.
After another few months I developed very bad pains around my jaw area and I was at work one morning when I could take it no longer and went to my dentist in tears. He saw me immediately and said that my jaw muscles had gone into spasm, gave me a muscle relaxant and made an urgent referral to the dental hospital. He said to take the muscle relaxant over the weekend and phone him on Monday. This I did and the muscle must have released as the pain went BUT I was unable to open my mouth any wider than about 1.5 centimetres-very scarey, and I seemed to have no strength in my jaw. Happy that the pain had gone, miserable that I couldn't open my mouth much I concentrated on regaining the strength in the muscle and waited for my hospital appointment. Over the course of a few months while waiting for the appointment I managed to eat better and my mouth gradually opened to around 2.25 centimetres where it has remained ever since.
The average person should be able to put 4 fingers between their front top and bottom teeth, but at 2.25 centimeters I can't even put 2.

Okay that's enough for one blog-more to come!!!

Everything in the garden's rosy (Huh??)

Well I have become really hooked on this vegetable growing lark. So far to date have picked loads of runner beans, a few ripe tomatoes (plenty more to come), a couple of chillies (reliably informed by OH that they are going from completely tasteless to getting a bit of heat in them), some radishes (which I've just discovered nobody in the family likes), some really tasty mini cucumbers (which everyone likes), a very bitter pepper (but loads more growing which I have patiently left to ripen), a few courgettes (of which there will probably be many more to come) and a few strawberries (which have now finished but have thrown up many runners which I am going to use next year).

I also have dwarf french beans which haven't even flowered yet, a couple of aubergines which I am restraining myself from picking too early, and a butternut squash plant which is probably much too late to expect to flower and yield an actual butternut squash.

Oh and some lettuce.

Oh and yesterday I remembered to look at the blackberry wilderness at the bottom of the garden and found some ripe blackberries too - so here's a picture of yesterdays total harvest

Beans, beans, overrun with runners!

Well, all good things come to those who wait! I have been eating runner beans everyday for the last few days-at last they came! I think it was a change in the weather after all and a drop of rain cooled the plants and enabled the flowers to set and form runner beans (ooh get me, quite the expert!)

Have managed to convince OH that NOT all runner beans are completely inedible, tasting as if totally made from string. MY runner beans are delicate little dinky, stringless beans (I think I pick them so early, due to my impatience - see Bitter Pepper later!)that they don't get a chance for any string nonsense.

Bitter pepper - yeuchk! couldn't wait to pick my lovely green pepper - what a disappointment, really bitter and horrid. Since found out picked far too early.....

Still, plenty to look forward to. Hand pollinated the one and only decent looking courgette this morning. There have been some promising looking courgettes but they always seem to shrivel and drop off (!) and I think this is due to lack of pollination. So this morning I took the male flower and shoved it into the female flower (no foreplay or anything....) and hopefully that's done the trick.....watch this space.

At the moment have runner beans daily, the odd strawberry (and I mean odd...) the hope of courgettes, a few teeny peppers coming again, the beginning of chilli peppers, plenty of tomatoes-just none of them red yet!, a cucumber plant that I have no idea how that develops, some dwarf beans, about three pea pods (no glut there then) and some more runner bean plants.

Yummy, yummy, yum!!!!

Okay, an update on my veggies. I have had a total of 4 strawberries so far and....that's it! The courgettes and runner beans appear to be suffering from lack of pollination. The flowers are falling off the runner bean plants without leaving an 'ickle runner bean behind, and the courgettes are dropping off before forming properly-both of these problems, I have been informed, are due to lack of pollination.

Lack of pollination must mean lack of bees, yes? Then how come I trod on the "one and only" bee in my garden this afternoon!!!! Let me tell you treading on a bee (in bare feet, no less) is not a very clever thing to do. What was it doing on the ground when it could have had the pick of the bean flowers and courgette flowers anyway! Anyhoo, I trod right on the bee, the bee fought back in the only way it knew how, and I was left limping and running for relief of some kind into the kitchen. I tried: plunging foot in cold water with ice cubes added, then resting my foot on an ice block from the freezer, then dabbing with vinegar (?!?)frantically searching the internet and then, embarrassingly phoning NHS direct:

ME: "I've just been stung by a bee-how long until I go into anaphalactic shock?"

IRRITATINGLY PATIENT NURSE: "Do you have a rash? Do you tingle? Have your lips swollen? Do you feel sick? Can you breathe???? Do you feel you are about to collapse?"

ME:"Er no, no, no, no, yes, nooooo"

IRRITATINGLY PATIENT NURSE: "Well you'll probably be okay then - take a painkiller"

ME: "Okay thanks.....er, sorry to trouble you......thanks....."

And I hang up... the only thing redder than the tiny bump on my toe being my face..oh and the tomatoes (unless they need fertilizing too?).

But, hey, thats what NHS direct is for isnt it? OK, maybe not.

Well at least Ive learnt my lesson not to venture into the wild outdoors with no shoes on.

Why Fickleness?

Well I've finally succumbed under pressure from new blogger friend (that's an old friend new to blogging not an old blogger new to friendship)to write my own blog. Just because she can always find something witty and entertaining to say on a regular basis she seems to think that I should be able to do so also. Humph!

Anyhoo, why Fickleness as a title? Well as I was explaining to said friend, I have always been rather fickle in my interests and obsessions. Obviously some interests never go away, like reading, watching tv, using the computer endlessly, but I have had some rather erratic pastimes in recent years which have begun slowly, reached a crescendo of obsessive like proportions before fading away to oblivion - fickle eh?
These have included making reborn dolls (google it!), playing online poker (hmmmm very fickle that one) and playing non stop on my DSLite.

My current fickleness is growing my own veg! Yes, an outdoor interest for once which doesn't involving sitting on backside and not moving much! I have this terrible urge to grow all kinds of vegetables in my 'ickle back garden - well in pots actually. Hopefully this ficklenss will last at least until the last vegetable has been picked....